how to get rid of a crush

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An old proverb holds that absence makes the heart grow fonder. But what it doesn't say is that too much absence often makes the heart grow cold. If you have a crush on someone and they don't feel the same way about you, it can be very difficult to get over that person and may start a longtime circle of painful feelings. Getting over your crush is never easy, but there are a couple of useful methods to help you get over them and move on to someone better for you.

1
Distance yourself from them. One of the most effective ways to help you get over your crush is by distancing yourself from them. Minimize any contact or the potential for contact so that you can get over them without having any lingering ties that could upset you or reinforce your feelings for them.
- Distancing yourself will be hard at first, but it's ultimately for the better and will make the process of getting over them easier and faster.
2
Remove their contact information and text messages from your phone. One way to assure that you won't have any contact with your crush is to delete their contact information from your phone. Also consider erasing any text messages from them that you may have. Deleting this information will not only keep you from contacting them in a moment of weakness, but won't be an ever-present reminder of them, either.^[1] ^[2]
- If you're reluctant to delete their information entirely, consider writing it on a piece of paper that you won't see every day and store it in a safe place.
- Email copies of their text messages and then archive them if you aren't ready to completely delete them.
- Remember that even if you delete your contact, they may not delete you. If they contact you, you can either not respond or choose to send a brief, polite response.^[3]
3
Remove them from social media sites. The large number of social media sites, such as Facebook and Instagram, means increased accessibility to people, even those with whom you don't necessarily want to be in contact. By removing your crush's presence from your social media accounts, you can further limit the amount of contact you have with them.^[4] ^[5]
- If you're concerned that you might hurt your crush or leave others questioning your motives by unfollowing or defriending them on social media sites, find a way to minimize what you see on these apps. For example, on Facebook you can simply unsubscribe from their posts, which will make sure that you don't get status updates.
4
Stop talking about them and don't allow yourself to think about them. It's natural when you have a crush on someone to talk about them and to think about them a lot, but this will only reinforce your feelings. Consciously not mentioning them in conversations and actively shifting your thoughts when you do think about them will help you get over them more quickly.
- It may be difficult to not mention them in conversations, especially if you have mutual friends, so try to not talk about them or ask how they are too often. You can also step away from conversations about them.
- If you need to talk about them to process your thoughts and feelings, do so but don't make it a regular habit.
5
Ask your friends not to bring them up. If your friends know that you have feelings for your crush, they may occasionally mention them. This will only remind you of them and may hinder your ability to get over them, so ask your friends to not bring them up or update you if possible.
- There will likely be situations, especially in groups with mutual friends, where your crush's name is brought up. In order to get over them more quickly, step away from these groups until they've moved on to a new topic of conversation.
6
Avoid places they and their friends go. You and your crush may have many things in common, including friends, classes or workplaces, or favorite places. Avoid situations where you run the risk of seeing them.
- If you take classes together or work in the same place, don't sit near them. If they sit next to you, you can also find a way to relocate or decide to keep it cordial. Also do not engage in eye contact with them.Then it could make things awkward or spark an unwanted conversation.
- If you like the same restaurants, for example, try out new places to eat.
7
Get rid of tangible traces of them. Getting rid of any reminders of them that you may have will help you get over your crush. You'll want to remove traces of them from everything from your phone and social media to photographs and other mementos in your home.^[6]
- You can either take a gradual or cold-turkey approach to removing them from your life. It might be emotionally easier for you to remove reminders of them bit by bit, or you can also get rid of traces of them all at once. Doing this at all once will be very difficult, but can speed up the process of getting over your crush.
- Delete emails or get rid of letters, cards, or presents from your crush. Holding on to these things make you hold on to your feelings for them.^[7]
- Delete any photos of them or the two of you together.^[8]
- If you aren't ready to throw out your mementos just yet, put them in a box and give them to a friend for the time being.^[9]
8
Allow yourself to grieve and don't get mad. Getting over your crush is a painful process and it's completely acceptable to grieve over the relationship you had.^[10] But it's also important to not get mad at your crush in the process- just as you can't control your feelings for them, they can't control their feelings for you.^[11]
- Recognize that your crush was something significant in your life. Even if you didn't have a romantic relationship, you still had some relationship to them. It's ok to be sad over the loss of this.^[12]
- Don't be angry with your crush. They might not even know that you had feelings for them or they might be in a situation where they can't reciprocate your feelings. Don't get angry with them over something which they don't have much control.
- There are many reasons why you may have to get over your crush. Perhaps they found a boyfriend/girlfriend or perhaps they were always in a relationship or married. Maybe your parents oppose them, or and maybe it's something as simple as they're too old for you. Maybe you are wise enough to realize that you wouldn't be compatible in a relationship, even though you have romantic feelings for them. These are all factors over which you have very little control, and about which you cannot be mad at them.
- If you're having an especially hard time with the process, you can always get counseling to help you with your feelings.^[13]
9
Know you'll find someone else. There are many fish in the sea and your crush may not be the right person for you in the end. You will find someone else who is great for you, and the quicker you get over your crush, the more open your heart will be to finding this person.
- Focusing on your crush's flaws can help you get over them and possibly even find someone better suited for you.^[14]

1
Lean on your support system. You're likely not feeling your best as you try to get over this significant person in your life, so this is a good time to lean on- or even reconnect with- your family and friends. From talking about your feelings to distracting you with fun activities, your support system can help you to get over your crush more quickly.^[15]
- Friends and family will keep you from wallowing in your sadness.^[16] They can provide an excellent distraction by doing fun activities with you that don't involve your crush.
2
Focus on yourself and your other interests. Concentrate on yourself while you try to get over your crush. This may make realize that you don't have feelings for them.^[17]
- For example, start exercising or try a new fitness activity like yoga, which will also help you focus your mind on something other than your crush. You might also want to take a class that will help you with your job.^[18]
- Whatever you do, always make sure that it makes you feel good about yourself.^[19]
3
Try new activities. This is also a good time to try out new activities, which will distract you from your feelings. The more often you can do something that distances you from your crush, the easier it will be to get over them.
- For example, maybe you've always wanted to learn how to rock climb. This new activity will require a lot of practice, leaving less time to think about your crush.
4
Meet new people. Getting out and meeting new people who don't have any relationship to your contact is a good distraction from your feelings and your crush. You may find you have a much better time with new friends and acquaintances than you ever did with them.
- There are many different ways to meet new people, including joining a running group or going to happy hours at new places. Group activities are an excellent way to meet new people and distract yourself from your crush.
5
Consider flirting or dating someone else. You might not be ready to fully commit to another person, but casually flirting with or dating another person can also help you to more quickly get over your crush. This will boost your self-confidence and distract you from your feelings for your crush.
- A little harmless flirting may be good to help you gain self-confidence and remember that there are other people with whom you might have a connection. Just remember to keep it light and fun.

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Question

What if my crush was the only person for me?

Amy Chan is the Founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp, a retreat that takes a scientific and spiritual approach to heal after the end of a relationship. Her team of psychologists and coaches has helped hundreds of individuals in just 2 years of operation, and the bootcamp has been featured on CNN, Vogue, the New York Times, and Fortune. Her book about her work, Breakup Bootcamp, will be published by HarperCollins in January 2020.

Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

The idea of a one and only soulmate is a myth. There is more than one person out there for you. While you won't find another person who is exactly like your crush, you'll find someone who is amazing in their own way.
Question

It hurts a lot. Why does it hurt so much?

Believe it or not, this is normal. Heartbreak actually causes responses in your body that can make you feel sick, tired, or otherwise not like yourself. Give yourself time to cry and be sad about it, and then find something else to do that won't remind you of your crush. It hurts a lot, but this feeling will pass with time, and if you need them, there are people around to support you through it.
Question

What if my crush is a best friend?

You shouldn't suddenly cut your crush off without explanation, because if you two are friends, they'll likely be confused and hurt, especially if they don't know about your feelings for them. Tell your friend that you need to take some space to handle a personal issue (or just outright tell them it's because of your feelings, if you're feeling bold) and then give yourself time to do other things and talk to other people. Reading through How to Get Over a Crush on Your Best Friend may be of use, too.
Question

What if my crush keeps trying to talk to me?

Be gentle, but firm, about your boundaries. Say, "Hey, I'm really sorry, but I need a bit of space. You haven't done anything wrong - I just need some time to sort things out." If you've previously spent time together, it's important to lay out this groundwork before you start distancing yourself, especially if you two are friends or are part of the same friendship circles - anyone would be confused (and potentially rather hurt) if their friend suddenly stopped talking to them with no explanation.
Question

I have a crush on someone the same gender as me, and she knows. Is there any way I could try to change her mind and get her to date me, even though we're both girls?

You could try following the advice of How to Get a Girl to Like You (LGBT), but if she's not attracted to girls, you unfortunately can't "flip a switch" and make her like girls. As painful as it is to have incompatible orientations, there's nothing you can do to change someone's sexuality, and even if she does like girls, there's no way to guarantee that she'll like you if you do this or that. Plus, not everyone who's same-gender attracted is able or willing to date, for reasons such as being closeted or having homophobic family. If she's not willing to date you, it's better to just move on, even though it's easier said than done.
Question

What should I do if my crush is my classmate, and I keep getting put in the same group as him? It makes it difficult to keep distance.

Talk to your teacher and ask that you not be put in the same group as him for awhile. You don't need to tell your teacher that you have a crush on your classmate - just try saying something like, "I need to put some space between [classmate] and I. Could you please put me in groups with other people so I don't need to work with him as much? I'd really appreciate that."
Question

My crush doesn't know that I have a crush on him, so he keeps hugging me and kissing me on the cheek. What should I do?

Hugs and kisses are never something you're obliged to accept, regardless of who they're from, so if you want to get over your crush, you can just flat-out ask him to stop doing this. You can just say to him, "I'm not comfortable with you hugging and kissing me all the time. Could you please stop?"
Question

How do you stop yourself from liking someone?

Drew Hawkins1

Community Answer

If you really want to make yourself stop like someone, try distancing yourself by deleting their contact information from your phone as well as unfriending and unfollowing them on social media so you can stop talking to them and seeing their posts and statuses. Then, focus on yourself and your interests so you don't have time to think about them. Try new activities or pick up old ones that you haven't had time for.
Question

What do you do when your crush doesn't like you?

Drew Hawkins1

Community Answer

If your crush doesn't like you, unfortunately, there may not be anything you can do about it. And trying to convince them to like you can backfire and make them like you even less. Instead, try to distract yourself by hanging out with people who want to spend time with you and picking up a new hobby that will keep you from thinking about it.

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Remember that it's fine to cry if you are upset. You will find someone else.
Be patient with yourself. Sometimes it takes us a while to get over someone.
Realize that they are not as perfect as you once believed. Search for or remind yourself of their flaws, and that their negatives may outweigh their positives. If your crush has a negative quality such as impatience or disrespects you or people in positions of authority, realize that those same qualities would be turned on you if you were to pursue a relationship with them.
Write a list of all their flaws.
If they have any siblings, it would be best to avoid contact with them too.
Start new hobbies to distract yourself.
Write a list of all of your turn offs. Then, write a list of his/her traits. Compare them, and see which qualities you don't like. This will eventually make you not like them anymore.
If a thought about your crush floats into your mind, think of something else. "I'm going to gather a group of friends on Saturday night and we'll all go out and have some fun." Make positive and fun plans rather than thinking about him/her. It helps.
Even if you're getting over a crush, don't completely ignore them in normal situations like school work or meetings. This makes you seem very heartless and cold to them.
Think of your crush as a friend, and if you succeed, you will eventually stop crushing on them, but still keep in contact.

Try not to be rude to them. If they are polite to you by saying hello, it's fine to kindly respond. Just don't let it be more than that.
Avoid getting angry with them or treating them as "the enemy." They can't control who they have feelings over just as much as you can't and you should never actively hurt someone.
Know that there are many fish in the sea. If they don't like you for who you are, then they are not worth it.

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Article SummaryX

The best way to stop liking your crush is by getting some distance from them. You should delete their contact number from your phone and unfollow them on social media sites so you aren't tempted to talk to them. Besides minimizing contact with them, you can distract yourself from your crush by focusing on your hobbies and interests. For example, consider taking a rock climbing class or picking up painting. If you go to school or work together, don't sit near them so you don't have to talk. Should you need to talk to them, simply keep the conversation short and polite. To learn how to avoid resenting your crush, read on.

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